🔗 Share this article

There's a revealing instance in Lukas Gage's new book where he calls it a "premature autobiography". It's a humble quip, of course, but it's also accurate. Gage isn't extremely famous – at least not yet. Chances are, though, if you've watched him then you won't have forgotten him. In 2020, he went viral after sharing an tryout recording where the director – not realizing he wasn't on mute – was caught criticizing his living arrangements. "These poor people live in these tiny apartments," he states, before Gage steps in to let him know he can hear every word. The next year, Gage appeared in the debut installment of The White Lotus: in one scene, his role Dillon is caught by a visitor standing completely undressed in the office, while said manager performs anilingus on him.

"I figured: I don't have too much to do in the show so I'd better make an impression on it big," he says with a smile today. "I aimed to give people something to recall me for – and I did!"

Messy Characters and Life

Gage specialises in characters whose lives are messy and unstable – just like his own. That life is all laid on the line in his autobiography, which – here comes another self-deprecating remark – is titled I Wrote this Book for Attention. Although humorously engaging, its subject matter is anything but simple. We begin with Gage's emotions of abandonment by his father, then move on to drug use, sexual abuse, domestic issues, dependency, personality disorders, shame, rocky romances and emotional pain. What we aren't shown all that much of is the glitz of fame. Gage freely acknowledges he is at the start of his profession. He has no vast reserves of wisdom to impart on achievement. So what was the purpose of writing a autobiography?

"I think it's therapeutic for me to share my story," he explains over a video link from New York. "Throughout the entertainment industry strike I had the free time to really dig in and go deep, so I just said: screw it."

Childhood Years and Validation

Gage, 30, grew up in San Diego, and from an early age he was aware of his persistent need for approval. He remembers a party where he showed up, aged four, wearing high heels and costume accessories; in especial, he recalls being wounded by his dad's obvious distaste at what he was doing. Their bond never really recovered – Gage's dad moved out and became increasingly distant with his sons (Gage has two older brothers) before starting with a different household.

Gage struggled to fit in at school. He was a natural performer, but this meant it was often hard to know who the real Lukas was. "I was constantly trying on different personas and identities, which I think was quite divisive for people," he says. It also had its advantages. Gage could easily adopt the persona of a straight-laced football player while privately stocking his backpack up with booze at the rear of the shop. He was sometimes paid by classmates to call up and imitate their parents to get them out of class. "Transforming into different people was natural to me," he remarks.

Addiction and Household Struggles

The book deals with dependency – mainly his sibling's struggles with heroin that turn the admired brother he idolised into a frail shell, but also his mother's obsession with casino slot machines. An initial win meant the household could manage to make the down payment on a bigger house, but Gage laughs when I inquire if she actually profited from gambling. "In the end, how much she spent was certainly a lot more than that."

It is funny, he notes. Until she had gone through the book, his mum hadn't really come to terms with this aspect of her personality. "She talked to my siblings, like, 'Do you guys think this way too?' And they were all like, 'Of course, we've been saying this since we were kids.'"

Gage has a lot of love for his mum, who clearly brought her kids up in difficult circumstances. But she had a hard time reading it. "She believed as if she failed as a mother and I did not want her to feel that way at all. I believe like even though there's these turbulent things that happened to me, hard things, I actually appreciated the way that I grew up."

Finding Self and Abuse

Gage didn't start to find his real identity until he was sent to an acting summer camp as a child, where being boisterous, theatrical and attention-seeking was actually encouraged. The experience was transformative in good ways, but also in a terrible one. One night, he was accompanied in his tent by a camp counsellor who instructed Gage and a girl camper to embrace, remove their clothes and rub their bodies against each other while he masturbated. For a long time afterwards, he tried to ignore the guilt it left him with.

"As with a lot of people who experience being molested, I felt like there was a willingness on my part because my body just disconnected. I knew it was wrong. I knew that the situation should not be happening. But I just ploughed through it."

Self-Criticism and Professional Path

Gage is tough on himself in the book – and continues to be. He confesses to looking for "dark reviews" of himself on the internet. "I dislike that I don't always regard my performance and writing in the best light," he states. "I wish I could have more compassion with that part of myself."

Yet he acknowledges that this self-criticism drives him forward too. In secondary school, he featured in a skin care commercial and spent the day on set asking every query possible about mic positioning and the role of grips. Despite his mum's reservations, he left San Diego for Hollywood at the age of 18, residing in the Alta Cienega Motel where his hero Jim Morrison lived, on and off, between 1968 and 1970 (Tripadvisor reviews – "Stay FAR FAR AWAY from this place!" – indicate it might not have been the most comfortable of lodgings).

Gage's major opportunity should have come when he landed a part in Mad Men, as Sally Draper's crush. He told his entire household about it, but during a wardrobe session he was forced to reveal the ink he'd had done on his sides, back and calf. "I had these representatives saying to me: how could you ruin this? How could you sabotage this? I don't think that was the greatest thing for a young adult to hear when they've just lost something that significant."

These days, such markings would be concealed in minutes, but at that time he was shown the door and back to square one. The constant rounds of auditions and rejections were brutal, but at least he had been prepared well for them. "Whenever I got turned down for a job, I would always feel: it's fine, it's not as bad as my dad rejecting me for another family and child," he says.

Persistence and Breakthrough

Gage continued. The tale of how he lied, begged and manipulated to get an audition for Assassination Nation, which eventually resulted in a role in the popular series Euphoria (as Tyler Clarkson, bruised and in a neck brace) and then The White Lotus, could take up a book in itself. Gage remembers the strangeness of filming The White Lotus in 2020, holed up in a luxury Hawaii hotel while the pandemic and the US vote raged on. It was in fact Gage, along with co-star Murray Bartlett, who pitched the idea that their intimate scene should be something a bit extra – and creator Mike White readily approved. Gage laughs recalling his mum's response. "She sent me a message, like, 'What a cute bum, but maybe next time give me a warning that's going to occur when I'm watching with my friends.'"

It was while on set that Gage showed colleagues the recording in which his home was criticized. Their reaction – shocked, amused, supportive – persuaded him to post it online. He wasn't ready for the feedback it got: numerous articles, outpourings of backing from peers and unknown people alike, and a campaign against the director in question, none of which Gage had any control over. "I thought like people were much more angry about it than I was, which confused me," he {